The Bachelor: Week II

Alright, kids. Week two of our favorite reality show, and the drama is already reaching new heights. The dates have begun and the claws have come out.

Let's start with the very first one on one date with Ashley the Dentist. She didn't make much of an impression on me last week. There's something about her that rubs me the wrong way. She is a dentist so she's obviously a very intelligent woman, and I see glimpses of that, but for the most part she talks like a valley girl and acts like a child. It's irritating. Also, WHAT was she wearing? I'm all for girly sparkly clothes, but she looked ridiculous. All in all I thought their date looked like a lot of fun, and it was nice to see Brad really open up and bond with her over their relationships with their fathers. Best moment = when Brad admitted that he really liked her. Adorable!

The next day was the first group date. You know, the ones where they film scenes where half the people make out and the other half cries because nobody loves them. Usually this kind of group date is saved for episode three or four when the the Bachelor is a little more comfortable with the contestants, but I LOVE that ABC decided they don't give a fuck anymore. Why not? Let's do it on day 1! I also thought it was hilarious that they pretended that this was some kind of PSA for donating blood. Excuse me? Who do you think you're fooling ABC?

We also found out a lot of interesting things about the girls on this date:

• Melissa of the Droopy Boobs quit her job, sold her car, and bought a closet full of hideous juvenile dresses to come on this show. CHEMS when she barged into the scene and awkwardly kissed Brad. I've never seen someone cry so much over nothing. She also gave us one of the best lines of the evening: "If Raichel gets a rose and I go home, it would be a tragic shame." And the way she looked at Raichel right before Final Rose? What a shame he let that girl go.
• Raichel the Manscaper? HOLY TITS.
• Now I'm not sure if you guys noticed this, because no one really talked about it, but it was someone's birthday the SAME DAY as the group date!!!?!?!?!?!?!? *facepalm* That bitch is crazy. And insincere. And Crazy. Michelle is a Praying Mantis. You know about their post-coital rituals, yes? I feel really nervous for Brad.
• Madison Cullen got really excited when she realized they were doing a PSA about blood.
  
• Miss Emily O'Hara looked flawless as ever. It's pretty adorable how nervous Brad gets around her. He really likes and I think that's great. On paper they're perfect, but in real life I have a feeling something is missing.
  
• Poor RocKeltie had to be "Butch Girl in Neck Brace" Hahaha poor thing!
• Brit the Gymnast is a food writer?! How did I not catch that? She's beautiful. Like seriously beautiful. She is just hiding under all of that hair. I love that she said she's a big old prude and then slutted it up in her soon. Get it girl.
  

Jackie the Artiste's one on one date was incredible. Minus when they had to listen to the band Train. But seriously? I. Would. DIE. if a man did that for me. DIE. I love how straight forward she is and how much she unsettles Brad. Also, I love slow dancing. Why don't people do it any more? One thing that bothered me was that Brad was bothered that she'd only had two relationships in her whole life. I was left sitting here thinking, "....So?" Isn't that a good thing? It shows how seriously she takes her relationships. I think it's pretty admirable.

Southie Stacey - I have no idea if she's right for Brad, or if she's actually from Southie, but the more I see her the more I'm convincing myself that I know her just because she's from Boston. Chantal the Slapper is really growing on me.

Words can't describe how much I LOVE the fact that they brought in Ali and Roberto. Roberto? I die. Handsome as ever. Ali? Holy shit. The girl looked awful. Awful. Not so cute without the hair extensions, wardrobe and makeup that ABC paid for. I'm not sure what kind of advice they could possibly give to Brad seeing as they don't know this guy at all, but I love that they pretended they could. I was definitely glad to see the two drama queens go. It makes me feel like Brad is taking this very seriously.

Final thoughts? Brad said irregardless.
We're done.